Control Your Temper

             Gentleness is a close cousin to meekness and self-control.  All three of these qualities require (contribute to) conquering anger.

            In dealing gently with others, a man or woman must refrain from irritability.  It is inevitable that irritations will develop, but nothing will destroy the trust and considerate fellowship of gentleness so quickly as anger.  There is a time for anger, but such times are rare – and there is never a place for uncontrolled anger.

            Many of the great figures of history have struggled with their tempers.  Any person who has such powerful passions but can keep them under control is destined for leadership.

            One such individual with a volatile temper was George Washington.  In a letter answering an inquiry regarding the first President’s character, Thomas Jefferson included this notation: “His temper was naturally irritable and high toned; but reflection and resolution had obtained a firm and habitual ascendancy over it.”

            Strong passions are a mark of leadership material; but it is raw material that, left in the rough, will bring only damage.  Governed by gentleness, however, strong passions are a characteristic of great strength.

            Even as a youth, Washington worked to manage his temper.  Among the “Rules of Civility” that he copied into his teenage exercise book were the following words of wisdom concerning the temper: 

Let your conversation be without malice…and in all Causes of Passion, admit Reason to Govern.

Be not Angry at Table whatever happens…

            The difference between a father and a tyrant is a matter of gentleness, and Washington is called the father of his country because his strength was guided by mature character.  Consider the following tips for taking control of a naturally strong temper:

Confess when you are feeling upset.  There is nothing that intensifies the heat of a boiling pot like pressing a lid on it.  Vehemently insisting, “I’m not angry!” does no good.  Calmly admit to yourself and, if needed, to others when you are feeling heated.  It takes humility to acknowledge when you are losing control, and humility is exactly what is needed when one’s temper flaring.

“Reflect and Resolve” – the two principles Jefferson observed in Washington.  Reflect with honesty and sorrow upon specific, past temper failures.  What should you have said?  How should you have said it?  Based on this reflection, resolve to do what is right next time.  With this decision fixed in your mind, when the next time arises, you still have a very important decision to make.  Gentleness is the strength to act on resolve rather than impulse.

            Nothing destroys a relationship like anger.  Develop gentleness as a discipline for controlling your anger, and take control of your anger as a means of strengthening your leadership.

Calm on the Job

Expect irritations.  Work to keep things running smoothly, but know that they will not.  When problems arise, purpose to confess your frustration and control it.  The ultimate test of gentleness is not how you act when things are under control; the ultimate test of gentleness is how well you control your temper when the situation is out of control.

            Esteem your relationships with those around you.  Guard those relationships from the strains of work pressures.

Character definitions and information used by permission. Copyright Character Training Institute. www.characterfirst.com

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